16 October 2016
Magpie attack!
Transiting from domestic to international terminals at Brisbane airport
After a sleepless night concerned about my sleepless night, it was time to get up at 4am and get going. Japan yet again, so unoriginal, I should put a Haiku here.
This year I timed my cold to be largely over prior to departure, by largely I mean I can taste and breathe but an annoying cough still lingers.
You might recall last year I almost died on the flight as my health went from bad to 4000 sneezes in the space of the 10 hour flight. Yet the illness detecting maids at Narita airport detected nothing when I went through their sensors. Japan is yet to recover fully, I am the reason for negative interest rates.
Anyway, my trip takes me via Brisbane again, as I prefer the day flight to Tokyo rather than overnight via Sydney, theres a direct Melbourne flight restarting soon but thats also overnight. This ensures I can be fully awake for the 10 hours it takes to get there to keep an eye on everything.
Before even getting on a plane, my journey started with a terrifying taxi ride to Melbourne airport through construction zones and a wind storm, however once I got in the terminal, I was confident I would at least make it onto the plane alive. I am sure the taxi was doing 140kmph in a temporary 40 zone. We swerved around a witches hat blowing across the freeway.
Now onto the Samsung Galaxy Note 7 explosion panic. In airports there is signage everywhere, reminders on constant loop, quoting Boeing, the U.S. Dept of Transport, the Australian Aviation Authority, the pope and the joint leaders of the interfaith council.
If you happened to be overseas now when the drama unfolded, you cannot even bring it home for a refund. You now must live wherever you are right now until technology catches up to allow you to return home with such a dangerous weapon.
Because I got to Brisbane airport with a couple of hours to spare, and because I like walking and because I have a daily steps goal to keep because I am a boring person, I decided to walk from the domestic terminal to the international terminal in Brisbane and write a long sentence with many repetitions of the word because.
I am clearly the first person to ever attempt this, the path was perilous, and I was nearly killed by a relentless swooping magpie! Not joking, I was on the phone to my mother at the time, she can confirm the story.
I ended up literally running through a construction site (which was not the way to the terminal I later found out!) with my backpack on my head and a hand in front of my eyes.
This resulted in a bad neck strain, and probably fits of laughter for the guys no doubt watching me on security cameras. I think my neck has now come good, just as well because I would otherwise be complaining about that endlessly here.
The worst part was I had gone the wrong way and had to double back past the terrifying bird of prey again!
This is the view from my balcony in Melbourne, the morning before I left. I stuck a similar photo here last time when I went to Europe in June, so it can be compared.
I didnt take one this morning as it was still pitch black when I left and I was in a hurry.
By doing this I can keep an eye on how many more Chinese owned empty apartment buildings are paying tax dollars in Australia for me.
Note the Samsung Galaxy Explosion Hysteria warning notice on the departure board.
We are at stage 9 global panic now people, no Samsung Galaxy Molten Lava edition is allowed on any plane even if its turned off.
In order to ship them back for a refund you first need to be sent a ceramic lined box with heat resistant gloves to pack your faulty phone with at your own risk.
I am not exaggerating, the return boxes and gloves are real.
Here I am looking very tired. Not really sure why I couldnt sleep last night. Felt hot the entire night. Maybe its guilt, or fear that this time the ruthless Japanese customs agents will deny me entry.
Just the other day a train conductor in Japan got in a lot of trouble for announcing in Japanese 'Attention all passengers, please accept my sincerest apologies for the number of foreigners onboard the train today'.
That really happened, look it up.
When you see on the news some kind of story about another country hacking Australia, remember this advertisement, for offensive hackers to join the department of defence.
Also remember we (we as in Australia) are guilty of hacking the East Timorese Presidents telephone to covertly assist our negotiations to steal their oil.
Australia has now been summoned to appear at the international court of justice or whatever its called in the Hague on this soon. The same court that told China its islands were illegal only to then have the Phillipino lunatic president decide he loves China now.
Confused yet?
This is the construction site I ran through whilst being attacked by a magpie.
Before the attack I stopped to take a picture of the overflowing bin. Really, thats why I am taking this photo.
Also I cannot believe no one came and told me to get the hell out of the construction site. Unfortunately taking a detour through here did not allow me to run out onto the runway, or find a way through to the terminal.
I wasnt aware the lounge was closed. Now how will I get free water and upload this nonsense text I am writing with occasionally related boring images?
Its a plane. Its the plane I will go on. Its an Airbus A330. These are not Dreamliners, they havent yet had a battery catch fire and burn the plane to the ground.
Before Samsung sent out a few million IED's (improvised explosive devices), Boeing decided to install similar batteries in their new dreamliners.
All of the jets was recalled to stick the avionics backup batteries inside a metal flame proof box after one of them exploded and burnt an All Nippon Airlines plane to the ground at the departure gate where it was parked.
Something similar then happened on an Ethiopian airways plane - so there you go Samsung, feel better about yourselves. Unless of course you made those batteries too?
Due to there being no lounge, Qantas gave me this $30 voucher for food and drink, to be spent in a single transaction.
I bought a coffee and a bottle of water, so wasted about $20 of the voucher.
Then it was time to board my flight before I knew it, I guess my magpie and construction site saga took longer than I expected.
The reason there is so much text here is because I updated this on the plane, dont expect a similar barrage of poor spelling and grammar with every update.